Am I the only person in America who has never seen the film A Christmas Story or the play derived from it? Well all the better, then, as I won’t feel obliged to compare it to any other version –– and you, dear reader, won’t be burdened by tedious comparisons.

So, then, on to this terminally cute Syracuse Stage production.

The story-line hardly breaks new ground: Young Ralphie (Nicholas Deapo), who seems to understand what being a grade-school anti-hero growing up in 1930s Indiana is all about, wants a Daisy air rifle for Christmas so badly he is willing to write a composition for his mean old teacher (more than somewhat broadly played by Pat Nesbit) on the subject. The plot (such as it is) hinges on whether he’ll get it, and what standard variety youthful adventures he’ll go through until the audience learns whether he’ll be blessed with the gift of his dreams (complete with built-in compass and sundial).  

Along the way to the predictably warm-hearted ending we endure such standard all-American growing-up stuff as: the kid who gets dared into sticking his tongue to a lamp post one freezing day during recess; the dad whose car keeps breaking down and who seems ineffectual at almost everything about child-rearing (but who in the end really, really understands his son); a very cute younger brother (acted with genuinely lovable cuteness by Hunter Metnick) who spends most of his time hiding under the kitchen sink, in a box filled with packing material, behind the couch, etc., or having to go "wee-wee;" a bully (the appropriately not-really-menacing Danny Mulvihill) who finally gets his comeuppance; the predictably understanding, long-suffering but wise wife (nearly underplayed and very nicely so, indeed, by Elizabeth Ann Townsend); the sweet neighborhood girl (Sara Goodwin, really sweet) who manages to touch our pre-teen hero’s heart; and so on and so forth.  

This is pretty much standard stuff (see: Finn, Huck; and Sawyer, Tom –– both of whose stories have the genuine humor and ironic distance that this tale lacks). A Christmas Story is all about growing up in a nostalgic America that probably never really existed except in the gentle myth of adult memory. As the narrator (a very one-dimensional Timothy Davis-Reed) intones, nailing down the moral in case we were such fools to have missed it: Despite all the disasters, it was a good Christmas because we had love and we had each other.  

Oh, well yes –– I guess it was so in this photo-album world. But if I remember Jean Shepherd, from whose stories this script was derived, he always managed a waggishly ironic undertone to let us know that the nostalgic memories do not paint an accurate picture of real-life experiences. The narrator, who is the young boy now-grown-up revisiting his youth, ought to be able to convey that irony to us –– but Davis-Reed apparently never achieves this revelation (or perhaps director Seth Gordon shrinks from horrifying a Yuletide audience by instructing him not to do so).

The kids, who in addition to those already mentioned, include Madison Gregory, Ted Potter and Tristan Tierney, do truly outstanding work. If you like to experience heart-warming theater with on-the-button performances by young actors, this is the show for you. Director Gordon seems to have a knack for bringing out the best from his child performers. An awful lot of what else goes on is slow-paced, overdone or painted with the broadest of strokes –– especially a bit over-the-top Charles Kartali as the father.  

Michael Ganio’s set uses the Archbold Stage well. The family home is both spread out and confining, with set segments like the entire house and the schoolroom moving in and out without slowing down the action (such as it is). I could have lived without the giant snow flakes gently falling and then somehow rising (nostalgia is a strange world, indeed) at the end. David Kay Mickelsen’s costumes seem right for the period and Jonathan R. Herter’s sound design pleasantly underscores the action, except at one point when it drowns out young Ralphie.  Richard Winkler's lighting is very, how shall one say, Christmas-like.

To sum up, then: This is pleasant but predictable Christmas-time theater fare.  Fun for the kids. A good show to share with them. Comforting in the way that canned pie-filling can be. More carbs than protein. The sort of pseudo-warmth that only an artificial fireplace can produce. You get the point –– not for Grinches, Scrooges (before that wonderful codger’s unfortunate conversion) or cranky critics, but very popular. If the sold-out house the night I attended and the fact that tickets for most performances are extremely scarce right now are any indication, I’d bet you a Daisy air rifle it’ll be back next year.  

DETAILS BOX:
What: A Christmas Story, performed by Syracuse Stage
Where: Archbold Theatre at Syracuse Stage, 820 E. Genesee St., Syracuse.
When: Through Dec. 30.
Length of Performance: 2 hours and 15 minutes; including one intermission.
Tickets: $16 - $48. Call 315-443-3275, or www.syracusestage.org   
Family guide: Recommended for audiences of all ages; especially appropriate for youngsters.